i'm a sophomore. woah
well one can only hope, i'm still patiently awaiting my grades.
with every ending, or shall i say new beginning, comes the good and the bad.
good- it's summer. i'm on to a new start. it's MY summer. its about me and my goals. i'm going to go to a different school and be what i want to be. and i can;t wait for monday morning. i can get into my routine. tuesday and wednesday i can job hunt. i can't wait to find myself, well... you know, adjust to my new surroundings... again.
bad- the only thing i can think of is leaving people i've grown to love.my best friend alex, that i was with all of the time, and is just like any of my best friends from home and knows everything about me, yeah she lives in ct... and actually i left the love of my life back in connecticut and who knows if i'll ever see him again. wait let's not be foolish, i definitely will. you know when you get a feeling and you know somethings meant to be. well thats the feeling i get, and although nothing has happened yet, i know it could have, should have, would have, if we both weren't chicken. but whatever is meant to be will always find its way. but i do feel empty without seeing him all the time... but honestly, for me, it's so hard to find people that care about me back, that i ahte leaving them.. but i've returned home to some of the greats
eeeeee
i came to a conclusion, i long for love. and it is because i don't get it from home like i wish to. my mother rarely shows that she cares, and its usually only after she makes me feel like shit. for instance today when i got really upset about not having anywhere to put my things in this house she wants me to call home.. she got rid of all of my furnture, kept my bed for herself, and expects me to go up and down the attic stairs everytime i need something. then gets upset that i'm not living here... i just can't deal with that. i just feel like neglected. idk its unexplainable and i feel like no one understands. and i've been upset all day, needed a shoulder to cry on, and had no one to run to at that moment. and i can't tell everyone about that. like i hung out with one of my friends and she turns into oh her life is the same way, and my other firned is would tell her mom who would give me some sort of speech, and everyone else says fuck her. its not that easy, and it sucks.
but tomorrow im outtaaa heree. and off to my aunts til next weekend.. i'm just visiting to let my friends dogs out because the fam will be in rhode island that day. eassy squeezy, and getting paid. i'm in. but other than that. i'm out, and the whole world is welcome to come visit.
live it up while you can
<3
No Comments
it's official
.
