isolated sort of. i have no one to talk to at this exact moment. i don't know if anyone will even understand.
i feel like i'm 90 years old and just got hit by a truck. i can't eat, i can't drink, i'm devistated. i know it's something that will shortly be fixed, I HOPE, but i currently can not bear it. i am not enrolled for school in the fall. i can not picture myself not being in school, and i can really not handle it. my grades are as follows, English A-, Music Theory A, Music theory lab B-, Physics W, and Western Civ INC.
what..
my whole life just fell apart, AGAIN. yesterday when i saw the W and today when i saw the INC. i worked my ass off all semester. especially in physics.. and i had to withdraw. at least my teacher let me withdraw, but i should not have had to. because i've never worked that hard to understand something in my life. but i got the shitty end of the stick, and had to withdraw, whatever, not stressin it, i'll take physics again. but an inc in western civ, but why. because i was freaking out all day. i had to resubmit an essay. and i did so three days ago and had not heard back from my teacher. my friend in the class heard back instantly about her resubmitted essay. so i did the nervous thing and resent mine. my teacher said i already graded your essay, if this is a third revision, i will give you an inc, please advise. i immediately responded, but she clearly didn't read it and i now have an inc. i can not deal with still having to wait for that grade. she needs to read that email. like idk what to do.. what if she keeps it as an inc i cant have two bad things on my transcript im trying to get into a dif school. i need to know. i need to figure out where i'm going to school, and i need to do it now. my family will be seriously disappointed if i go to community college and i can't stand being a disappointment yet again. like clearly i know my life sucks, and i don't need anyone to point it out anymore. like my friend that is retarded got a b in physics, and i taught her everything and we handed in all of the same work. but my teacher had no record of me handing in labs.. wtf
any my home life sucks. like i love being at my aunts house, but my aunt knows that mom wants me home and asks me repeatedly what i want to do. like i have no where to live with my mom. my mom treats me like a dog. i have no bed to sleep in because she kept my bed for herself and got rid of the rest of my furniture. i don't have a car, and thats another thing i don't need pointed out to me. like thats the worst thing in the world. and i can't change it because i currently do not have a job. sucks also, so stop pointing it out. like i don't even have money to buy deoderant, even though i don't need it, i just want a fresh one.
and i feel sick to my stomach on top of all this, even though its from all of this. i just need to lay in a ball and cry. too bad i have no car and i am far away from all of my friends. even though everyone just tells me to look on the brightside. doesn't anyone see that sometimes that is difficult. because it is. and i jsut need the person here thats going to just sit with me when i cry, too bad i'm alone for now.
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i fell completely alone
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