i'm inspired. today i received my new eminem album in the mail. why does he inspire me? because he's real. he raps about the real things that have happened to him, the struggles that have made him stronger, and love lost, and love found. i can relate to a lot of the things he says. i love his, fuck you, you're a piece of shit attitude. because like i've said before, i'm the only person that will ever always be there for me. staying true to myself and never despairing are my two rules in life. i believe strongly in both concepts. and i believe that eminem does too. but no one would ever really understand, because there are some things i will never talk about, and thats why music is my best friend.
when i'm inspired, i think.
when i think, i don't speak.
i sit, and i stare. and i disreguard anything that is going on around me.
complete solitude, with my music, and my thoughts.
i'm doing well with eating cleanly, maybe not enough, but i'm trying.
i'm joining the gym and trying to get my life on track.
cheats are hard, but sometimes, its hard to discipline yourself. you need someone to say NO. or at least i do ... i really do. but i've been doing my best. don't worry that you cheated. don't punish yourself. just don't let it happen again for a while. life is too much of a struggle to be mad at yourself. stay to true to who you are, what you are, and what you decide. it may not always be the best decision, but its the one that made you happy in the moment.
i picked put classes for the fall semester. i am not too happy with not knowing what credits are transferring yet, but i know that i will accomplish everything i dream of. and i will be on top of the world someday, because i have it in me, and it's dying to be unleashed.
whats really bothering me today, being alone. because i believe that i have truly loved another, and had them love me in return, and the best part is, it was love, without any sexual ties. even though i of course would like that, it didn't need to be there for him to love me. and now, we;re very far apart, and not communicating. one of the people that knows everything about me, and understands it all, not being with me. and i found a picture of us in a bag from school the other day. and my computer case that he wrote his name with hearts on. so many signs i should have realized sooner. but i have no qualms. i know that someday, what's meant to be will always find its way. and i know that love will always bring two people together. and so like eminem says,
you may be gone, but you're never over <3
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and tonight, i write
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